3 Things I’d Change About Splatoon 2


You’re a Kid, You’re a Squid, You’re a Fucked Off Grown Man


Admittedly, Splatoon 2 is my first exposure to the series and, while I only have about a dozen hours of play under my belt, there are a few things that I think could be improved upon.

Crap Matchmaking

Straight off the bat, things are a bit of a mess when playing. I encountered:

  • Half full lobbies that never fill and spit you back out into the menu
  • The team balance can vary wildly, leaving one side with a skill and experience advantage.
  • Servers that are impossible to join, or disconnect you mid-way through a match.

Considering Nintendo wants to start charging for online services, things aren’t looking too great, right now. Then again, the matches don’t even run on dedicated servers anyway.

Falling On Deaf Ears

It’s no secret that Nintendo are behind with the times with regards to online services. For a company that has largely catered to children in previous generations this is somewhat understandable. Things have changed though, and Nintendo’s marketing campaigns have switched focus. It is no longer acceptable to lack basic features like multiplayer lobbies, basic text chat and, most importantly, voice communication.

Splatoon 2 is a heavily cooperative game and made to be played as a team. You’ll need to work as a single unit to ensure you end up with the highest percentage of the canvas covered in neon goop. Nintendo had other ideas, however. In order to chat with your teammates you will need a switch, a headset, your mobile phone to connect to their chat service, and a small connector to bring it all together.

The lack of proper communication not only impedes proper teamwork, it also means I can’t even congratulate my team on a great game – or tell them how fucking dreadful they’ve been.


Are they out of their fucking minds?

Respawn Woes

The respawn system is tedious and takes too long. There, I said it. Admittedly, it’s a small gripe but valid nonetheless. In a round that only last a few minutes, why should I even have a respawn timer? Let me get back into the game ASAP! And even when I am ready to spawn, why does it take the game so long to fire me over to the rest of my team on the other side of the map? The whole respawn system is tedious at best, and infuriating at worst.  Get it sorted, Nintendo!

If my preceding three gripes with Splatoon 2 are the absolute worst things it has going for it, then the series has a bright future ahead of it but Nintendo badly needs to take note and get with the times